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Friday, May 28, 2010

a brief, quiet epistle

DEAR AUTHOR,

WHY ARE YOU WRITING TO ME IN ALL CAPS? I FEEL LIKE THERE IS SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT TELLING ME. HAVE I OFFENDED YOU? WHY ARE WE SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER CAN'T WE ALL JUST GET ALONG? PERHAPS I COULD OFFER YOU A FEW TIPS: THE CAPS LOCK BUTTON IS AT THE BOTTOM LEFT OF YOUR KEYBOARD AND LOOKS LIKE THIS

[Caps
Lock]

AND DO NOT DESPAIR IF YOU HIT IT WITH YOUR PINKY WHILE WRITING THE FINAL LINE TO YOUR EPIC POEM, "IF ALL THE GUNS IN THE WORLD WERE HANDS." A SECOND CLICK WILL TURN THE CAPS LOCK OFF. THEN YOU CAN DELETE THE WORDS YOU ACCIDENTALLY WROTE IN ALL CAPS. THE DELETE BUTTON IS AT THE TOP RIGHT OF YOUR KEYBOARD AND LOOKS LIKE THIS:

[<--Backspace]

WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, CONSIDER DELETING THE LINE "WOULDN'T THE WORLD BE BETTER STILL / IF ALL THE HANDS, WITH LOVE / WERE FILLED?" AS I SEE IT, THERE ARE A FEW PROBLEMS WITH YOUR CENTRAL THESIS (THAT IS, IN A UTOPIAN SOCIETY, ALL GUNS WOULD BE TRANSMOGRIFIED INTO HANDS), THE CHIEF OF WHICH IS THAT WITH AN EXCESS OF HANDS, ONE CANNOT AS EASILY CONTROL THE PLACEMENT OF ONE'S MULTIPLE FINGERS ON THE KEYBOARD, RESULTING IN FIASCOES LIKE THIS ONE.

*TORI

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You are truly great.