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Thursday, June 10, 2010

grainy cell phone pics of stanley cup celebrations and really girly commentary on my favorite blackhawks players

AHHHHHHHHHH!

As you all know, yesterday was HUGE:
(na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na!)
I FINALLY FOUND THE PERFECT, ROLLED UP KHAKIS ... FOR $2.99!
Needless to say, Charlie and I went out to celebrate. We were at this bar with a lot of black and red balloons, and people were moving really fast on the TV screens and other people were yelling at the screens and a schizophrenic man outside was screaming something about the Jews being the chosen ones and then all of a sudden then the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup! JEEPERS! Of course, The Grinch (my boyfriend)’s first reaction was, “What a shitty goal. I can’t believe that goal won the Stanley Cup.” But I didn’t hear him because I was too busy texting Toews to schedule celebratory drinks next Wednesday.

So happy!

I don’t think I need to tell anyone how exciting it was, or how crazy the communal energy was, or how Charlie’s cheerful “Go Hawks!” was met with a “Fuck you!” by some drunk old woman at the video store.
Toews and Kane

I have never never never NEVER been into sports, but thanks to my sexy hockey player boyfriend, I’ve seen almost every game of the playoffs and I know the words to “Chelsea Dagger”—PSYCH yeah right how square would that be? *quickly deletes computer history* Unbeknownst to my man, however, I don’t actually watch the games, I just sit there imagining scenarios in which I become friends with all the Blackhawks players and they come over to my apartment to hang out and then we go on vacations to their lake houses and play fun trivia games. I've spent so much time fantasizing about this (don't hate, there are a lot of games in the playoffs), that I feel like I've come to know the players very well.
Jonathan Toews is the adorably serious kid who kind of makes you want to squeeze his cheeks because he’s just so INTENSE and takes everything so SERIOUSLY and it’s all so ADORABLE I JUST CAN’T STAND IT! He is also the Blackhawks player who is most like my boyfriend. Perhaps this is why I find him so darn cute. In my imaginary scenario where I meet him, I run into him at the library, and I’m like “I always knew you had a literary soul,” and he’s like “who are you?” and that's how we become friends.

Patrick Kane is the cool kid who always flirts with you even though he knows you have a boyfriend, kind of like Jeremiah and Carrie in Sex and the City season two. He's the Blackhawks player who is most like me. We are both kind of showy, little bit extreme, and frequently immature. I almost died of cuteness when he scored the winning goal--AW! Just like Toews, he's a hottie (the Blackhawks in general are a pretty sexy team).

If I could pick any Blackhawk to be my best friend, it would be Hossa. He’s so crazy! Plus, his accent is like a bucketful of ice water flung onto the cozy flickering Americana fire of the Stanley Cup. You’re coasting along in a sea of tradition, ambition, and the heart’s blood of strapping young men, and then someone interviews Hossa and it’s all, Why am I suddenly craving blood sausage and Slovak wine? Plus, he looks like a dwarf. If there's ever a remake of Lord of the Rings, he HAS to play Gimli or I will boycott Hollywood AND the NHL.
Byfuglien is SUCH A SWEETHEART. He always has your back (and let's be honest, he's great to have along in case of a fight). He also gives great hugs.

Hjalmarsson is my secret crush.He's totes the team hottie (but he's also quiet and sweet and secretly misses his motherland). Plus, he was a BAMF yesterday.

Niemi is very emotional but he hides it well. Charlie needs to stop making fun of him every time he lets in a goal. NOBODY’S PERFECT, CHARLIE. He also has a cute smushy face. Every time we watch a Hawks game I have to restrain myself from rushing onto the ice and comforting him.

After the game Charlie flipped a few cars out of sheer joy. Then we accidentally set some Nutella on fire in the microwave. AMAZING NIGHT!

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You are truly great.