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Wednesday, July 28, 2010

A Dialogue Between Me and You

Ever wondered what it would be like to have a real face-to-face conversation with me? Many have. Few have actually experienced it. I am usually so busy vomming in the sink or screaming at my boyfriend that I have no time for any other human interaction. It's hard being so divalicious. Here's how it would probably go if you and I happened to run into each other.


Me: Oh hey there!

You: Um...h-h-hi.

Me: There's no need to be intimidated, young Padawan. I'm very approachable.
(I hold out a few breadcrumbs. You snarl, grab them, stuff them into your mouth, and retreat back into your fort. Oh yeah, you've built a fort and you're hiding in it and I came over to talk you out of it because your mom wants you in for dinner. I forgot to say that.)

Me: You wanna grab some dinner? It's been forever!

You: Maybe.

Me: OK, let's get pizza.

You: Why do you always want pizza?

Me: Because pizza is the best food ever!

You: True.

Me: Garlic? So good.

You: That's true, too.

Me: And any combo of bread + cheese—MMM!

You: Fine.
(You crawl out of the fort and we go ask your mom if we can order pizza instead of eating her tuna casserole. She says yes because you have a cool mom.)



As you can see, I come across looking way cooler, more mature, and well-traveled (nothing screams "Paris!" more than bread + cheese) than you do.

3 comments:

  1. You are as hilarious in person as you are in your blog! <3

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  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. actually this is true. this is taken from the transcript of a normal conversation between connie and tori.

    only we both band together later and start to scare boys while we tell them "GUESS WHAT? WE JUST CREATED MAGIC" between mouthfuls of nutella.

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You are truly great.