Tuesday, July 27, 2010

I Know Some Words (Rated R for Graphic Scenarios and Some Drug and Alcohol Use)

As I go about my day-to-day life, I'm constantly encountering crazy words. Because that's what happens when you're a masked vigilante. There are crazies EVERYWHERE. And some aren't even human--some are units which are constituent at the phrase level and above. The horror! I've stalked and killed most of them--although my sources tell me there are still many on the loose--and have half of them pinned up over my desk at work, and half of them pinned onto a bulletin board at home. Actually, I only have two pinned up at home--my apartment is a safe space. They dare not enter there. Here are a few of the craziest ones I've encountered as I slink around Chicago in a cape:

my desk

vitelline: having a yellow color resembling that of an egg yolk.
"Geohhge!" she drawled. "This is the most gawjus ring I've ever seen!" It sparkled on her finger, vitelline in the sunlight, false gold like the false teeth of the man she thought she loved.

cryptomnesia: copying the work of others without being aware of it.
"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times," he wrote. He could feel the fire of genius bubbling in his blood, a common side effect of cryptomnesia. Or was it the whiskey?

uxorious: affectionately oversubmissive toward one's wife.
"My darling, my cuckoo-bird." He fawned over her mud-stained boot, uxorious. "What can I get my lovely creampuff today?" "Vicodin," she snarled, pulling off her gloves, "and a fifth of tomato juice. Take care of the body."

lycanthropy: the magical ability of a person to assume the characteristics of a wolf.
Thanks, Shakira!

vitrescent: becoming glass
Blanche wanted to live forever. So she Botoxed. And she Botoxed some more. And now she is vitrescent.

hypergamy: marrying up
He was a devout Communist. He thought that marrying Angelina constituted hypergamy, and as such he considered himself thoroughly justified in sleeping with the maid. The judge disagreed. So did Angelina. In the library. With the ice pick.

Aren't they COOL? You are now smarter. For real! How does it feel?

1 comment:

  1. Dillettante is also the name of a really ritzy chocolate shop/coffee shop/bar thing/bakery in Seattle, except it's spelled Dillitante.

    Thank you for those words :) I have learned much.


You are truly great.