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Thursday, July 29, 2010

What You Should Do

You know what you should do? You should write down the lyrics from Elbow's Mirrorball in a card (made from recycled paper!!) and you should give it to the person you really love. Even if it's a secret - even if you don't sign it.

You should make a mixtape and put that damn song on there, too!Also you should include Starlings--actually, just include the whole album. Trust me. And you should give it to that person, inside the lovely card you made.

You know what you should do? You should go to the grocery store and get yourself some standards. You should stop dating guys who are gross and creepy just because you're afraid of being alone. You should stop sleeping around. You should probably stop drinking because you're getting a beer belly.

You know what you should do? You should respect other people's relationships. Here's how you should treat other people's girlfriends: don't hit on them. Treat them like your sister. You can hold doors for other people's girlfriends. You can't touch them when they walk by. Here's how you should treat other people's boyfriends: don't hit on them. Don't point out other girls to them.

Here's the type of boy you shouldn't date: someone who sits on the steps of his apartment and comments on every girl who walks by.

Here's the type of boy you shouldn't be: someone who's first response is "come on, that's what guys do." S-T-A-N-D-A-R-D-S. Do you really want to be with the type of girl that likes guys like you?

You know what you should do, girl? Don't date anyone if you're really insecure.

You know what you should do? Respect the sanctity of relationships. You should realize that some things ARE sacred, no matter how hip and agnostic you think you are. You gotta give two people their space. You want the same for yourself, don't you? If your friend gets a new girlfriend and doesn't want to hang out with you, maybe he sucks, maybe she sucks, but maybe YOU suck. Fix your weave and get a life! There are bigger things, ok? BIGGER THINGS THAN YOU.

You know what you should do? Have some crushes. It's cool.

You should stop thinking that EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX. Men don't actually think about sex every 7 seconds. You know what that fact does? It LIBERATES you. It liberates you from the sleazy guys that say they just can't help it. From the sleazy guy who sits on the front step of his apartment and says, "You know, I have a girlfriend, but my one weakness is hot women." And you know what this does to you, boy? You just got called out on your shit. Standards. Learn that word. It's a long one, but there are longer ones. (That's what she said.)

Just sip from the fountain of my infinite wisdom and WRITE THAT CARD ALREADY.

1 comment:

  1. hey. word.

    i also like how this is tagged "DESPERADOS."

    ReplyDelete

You are truly great.