Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A Few Interesting Facts About My Recent Life

I have blue nails! Pics coming soon.

I have a new haircut! Pics coming soon.

I have a reader in Belgium! WHO ARE YOU MYSTERIOUS READER? Great, I scared them off.

My boyfriend has an amazing, fabulous, insanely cozy new apartment. Pics will not be coming soon because we use it as a retreat to escape from the devilish world. Nobody, not even the rain, knows where it is.

I have been editing stories like crazy. Me, who used to hate rewriting. Is this what coffee does to the human psyche?

I did two super cool but intensely creepy and confusing things yesterday. One: I went to a Cubs game. Oh man I hate the Cubs. I cheered for the Astros but no one glared at me. Cubs fans are clearly spineless. AND CRAZY! Two: my bf and I watched Mulholland Drive. Probably the most amazing movie I've ever seen. This shouldn't mean that much to you, though, because a) I haven't seen that many movies, and b) The Holiday is one of my favorite movies, so what this means is that I'm basically illiterate.

I am going to take the GRE in October. To tell you the truth, I'm a total genius when it comes to standardized tests--blame it on my youth--but I really don't want to take the GRE, because I really don't want to "refresh" my mathematical skills, because every time I do a math problem, a drop of my heart's blood falls onto the floor and from thence springs a blackened, rotting rose. Unpleasant.

My brother is for real becoming a movie star. He's dropping out of school to be the lead in a movie. THANKS FOR LIVING MY DREAM LIFE JOHN.

Are Afro picks offensive? I have one. I really like it. I'll never have a bad hair day again. But my boyfriend yells at me when I wear it. I don't understand why I can't appropriate aspects of another culture. NO ONE YELLS AT WHITE PEOPLE WHEN THEY EAT TACOS! No one yells at Lady Gaga when she speaks French!'s fall! This summer, I bought a pair of $200 Frye boots on an I'll-return-them-tomorrow whim, lost the receipt, had to keep them, went into massive credit card debt, was forced into culinary servitude to pay it off, scalded off most of my face while setting a Bananas Foster on fire, had to use my credit card to pay for reconstructive point is, now that it's fall, I better wear the SOUL out of these Frye boots to make all the heartache and faceache and trauma worth it. They're super cute, though. I have a picture on my phone. You wanna see?

I also have some colored skinny jeans--the color of slow-burning, autumn-tinged maple leaves (gag)--that I got for hella cheap this summer. $15 each! Thanks, Delias! I know you're a clothing store for middle school girls. Sorry for being young at heart. Please stop sending me your stupid catalogs, though. I'm planning to wear my new jeans to work all the time. Here's a tip: if you ACT like you're wearing pants, people will BELIEVE that you're wearing pants. (What I mean is, if you're actually wearing jeans and you pretend like they're dress pants, nobody will question you. This tip does not work if you're wearing nothing at all.) This has worked for me over the past 7 years of various odd jobs, except for one time when I worked at Starbucks, and got yelled at for wearing black skinny jeans instead of black pants. SORRY FOR HATING DRESS PANTS WITH A BURNING PASSION! When black skinny jeans get really, really old, their jean-ness starts to really shine through. Some things just don't age well. But that's a list for another day.


  1. why do you hate the cubs? that's mean.

    i wish i had the heart to buy really expensive shoes....
    oh wait, i don't even have money.

  2. i hate them because they were really mean to that guy with the headphones who was only being enthusiastic!

    the sad thing is that $200 isn't even expensive when it comes to the shoe world...oh hey louboutins. y'know what i'm saying?


You are truly great.