Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Am I a Creeper?

 Friends, Romans, Countrymen:

I have made a career out of exposing people for what they are: CREEPERS. Creepers on the sidewalk. Creepers who pee on me. Creepers who ask me out. Creepers who propose. Facebook creepers.

But a horrifying truth has come to my attention. Friends: I MAY BE A CREEPER.

OK, so I've always been kind of creepy. My friend Matt used to say that I would laugh at anything morbid. Then he'd yell something like, "DEAD BABIES ON A PLATTER!" and I'd crack up. But it was more because Matt was hilarious than because I am a sick, twisted soul.

And true, my boyfriend, Meri, and I have come up with the concept of "Facebook terrorism," which is perhaps the creepiest thing you can possibly do to someone (hint: go to their 57th profile picture and "like" it).

And, well, maybe my senior thesis was about a group of five clairvoyant "children" who lived in an abandoned apartment and silently watched a guy fall out of his window and die on the sidewalk, and then watched a young girl narrowly avoid A CREEPER by jumping off a balcony and shattering her ankle, and maybe at the ending the "children" all dissolved into a sort of disembodied ephemera of rags and dust when their own windows began to crumble outward, but...I WAS YOUNG! I WAS NAIVE!

Being CREEPY is not the same as being a CREEPER.

However, after my story was went live, my friend Rose sent me an email, saying,
"you are my new favorite creep!"
So that was one thing. And THEN, my dad sent me an email, saying,

"I love the creepy side of the stories you write--you may have to go back to Victoria as your nom de plume if you keep that up, however.  Tori is rather sunny for ghosts, rotting things and missing fingers!"
Jeepers creepers! I didn't think my story was that creepy at all! It's about life (and a little bit about death). Ghosts and rotting things? Did I miss something? The thing in the white bag was very much alive! Anyway, I am obviously blind to my own level of Creep, which, as everyone knows, is one of the first signs of being a Creeper. So am I a creeper? Will I ever know for sure? If you stare into the abyss, does the abyss stare into you? Things to contemplate on this sunny morning.

Gossip Tor


  1. You do have an Edgar Allan Poe vibe at times....(not a bad thing :-D) Personally, I love being able to creep people out in my stories!

  2. Facebook terrorism = brilliant.

    ALSO yes. Victoria is a much better ghost story pen name. I love your dad.

  3. Facebook terrorism is a necessary creepy thing. Biddies need to be punished.

  4. xoxo, you are crazy. and yeah true story, I was looking for you on facebook just now and I typed "tori" then I saw you were actually victoria...I think victoria suggests things like furs and chain smoking more than tori, so it should be preferred.

  5. Hahaha, I still remember the time we creeped all the way up to the 3rd floor of that dorm without anyone asking why we were there...until we had already bypassed 3 different sets of locks.


You are truly great.