Saturday, October 23, 2010

Julius "GRE" Caesar is Dead

Friends, Romans, countrymen, LEND ME YOUR EARS. I come to bury the GRE, not to praise him.

A red sun dawned upon this fateful day, as Charlie and I plotted the assassination of our archnemesis: the GRE. We crept up on it softly, clutching daggers beneath our togas. Then the proctors took our daggers away and threatened to throw us out of the test center. So we coddled the GRE, laughing loudly at its jokes, nodding vigorously every time it made a political statement, and cheering till our throats were hoarse when it appeared before the Roman Senate.

And then we struck.

"Why, this is violence!" cried the GRE, as the first blow glanced off its neck. "Shhh," said the proctors. "No talking in the test room. This is your second warning." But we were merciless. Blinded by its own verbosity, the GRE grasped at our togas as it fell down the Senate steps. Wiping the sanguine algebra from its brow, the GRE looked up with moribund eyes, breathing raggedly through the multiple dagger-wounds in its analytical writing section. A look of horrified recognition crossed its face when it saw our familiar visages leaning over it, grasping our glistening weapons.

Contrary to popular belief, the last words of the GRE were not "Et tu, Tori & Charlie? Then fall, GRE." According to Plutarch, the GRE said nothing, but pulled its toga over its head upon recognizing our faces--the faces it had loved, the faces that now betrayed it.

All this morbidity is to say, WE KILLED IT! YESSSSSS! OK, maybe my verbal score could be classified as "semi-illiterate." WTF does collude mean? Dang. But I did get a near-perfect-ish math score! Guess I'm in the wrong profession! I SHOULD BE AN ROMAN TAX COLLECTOR! Where's my abacus?

Thanks for all the support along the way, my loves.

1 comment:

  1. Congrats on such a triumphant victory! You've slain a fateful nemesis and concord a common fear!

    By the way, I always score low in the English or verbal parts too. Maybe I too chose the wrong profession.


You are truly great.