Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I Get It

We're all just little basil and swiss chard seedlings, trying desperately to grow in whatever sunlight we can snatch from the cruel maw of the world. (Psst: those are my lil plants!)
It's easy for me to get infuriated to the point of spontaneous combustion when I read some of the blogs out there. Some of my writing friends and I have a few particular favorites that we read whenever we want to feel...uh...absolutely blinded by sheer rage (it's a lovely sensation and looks great on almost everyone, you should try it sometime). The blogs that really make me writhe are usually written by educated white twenty-somethings who have lots of opinions about "issues": you know, why gender is absolutely the most fascinating thing ever, or what the political arena is lacking (answer: their voice), or how to be an artist (what credentials? credentials are for the plebiate! [I made up that word {but maybe it's real}]), or why the world is one big bigoted discriminating overweight Republican who nonetheless should be hired as a runway model to represent diversity of size. You get the point: insert "political correctness is so blase" joke here.

For some reason, I hate "issues" to the very core of my being. I think talking about race, gender, politics, religion, and even the environment has become nothing more than verbal masturbation, especially in an age when there is so much freaking information and misinformation out there. Quite frankly, your impassioned opinion is about as important as the third-to-last vienna sausage in a can of vienna sausages that expired in 2004. Which is not to say that people should be opinion-less, but it all feels so circular and, yeah, masturbatory, and so I get uncomfortably angry and want to cut my appendix out with a pencil sharpener.

But maybe I'm the one who needs to tone it down a bit (at least inside my own head). At the end of it all, we're exactly the same--just a bunch of loser twenty-somethings with big opinions on what we don't like about the world. It's totally exhausting. I gotta stop hating. I get it. You're mad about something and it's translating into big "issue" talk that I find pretentious and insipid, so now I'm mad about you and it's translating into this blog post. Nothing productive has been accomplished.

Insert a picture of me doing a yoga pose and glowing with inner light.

I think people are given far too many forums in which to express their half-formed, overwrought opinions and their photoshopped public persona--INCLUDING ME. I think things would be a lot better if we all GOT OFF THE INTERNET and grew up a bit. I think a lot of people have too much time, money (even if you think you're're not), and maybe even a sparkly big vocabulary on their hands, and so we're all swimming in a sea of big opinions from lazy people. While I'm glad I don't live back in the days where I would have been married at 12, birthed my first child at 14, and at 22 be a washed-up old hag with perpetually chapped hands who smears goosegrease on them at night, I don't know if I would have found so much to disgust me about the world...which, FYI, is giving me wrinkles! At some deep level maybe it's good to have your psyche turned AWAY FROM YOURSELF!!! and engrossed in the sweet hay of your mattress that smells like harvest in sunshine, and the salty reeds soaking up the urine on your floor, and your illiterate children playing with the pigs, and your stranger of a husband, and the cycles of the sun, OK I may be channeling a little bit of the Tudor Period now, but I don't care, I love Henry the 8th and would have made a good wife for him OK?!




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You are truly great.