Wednesday, January 26, 2011


My friend Meri has a tag on her blog titled "homeless lust." I AM CRYING.

McSweeney's continues their agonizing stranglehold on my heart with two new, genius pieces: My Self Portrait (quotable quote: "If I possess the legs of a horse, as this portrait would indicate, does the horse that I'm riding become redundant? The short answer is yes, I suppose it does. The long answer is that Centaurs, like me, are at the very top of the equine hierarchy and are typically transported by lesser horses." I'M STILL CRYING.), and the not-as-funny-but-still-pretty-funny How Many Times Must I Blink "I'm Sorry"? (quotable quote: "Some people might hold a grudge over the whole "lifting my body caused my quadriplegia" situation, but that's just not my outlook").

And finally, if you're tired of submitting to the Dot Gov Review, only to have your hopes--as dewy and blushing as a newborn child--dashed mercilessly on the rocks below the parapets and then eaten by the trained dragon that I keep beside my throne at all times as my minions gather around the carnage and howl in vicious glee, maybe you should try submitting to the Journal of Universal Rejection! In their own words, "Rejection will follow as swiftly as a bird dropping from a great height after being struck by a stone."

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You are truly great.