Thursday, August 11, 2011

My Writing Process

A number of you have asked how I produce things like, I don't know, Lolita, or The Great Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao. Here's how last night's writing process went. Note: not everyone can function like this! Don't feel ashamed if your productivity doesn't match mine.
  1. Come home from work.
  2. Fall onto my bed with a plate full of toast and a ginormous biography of Hemingway.
  3. Drift asleep for a few minutes.
  4. Wake up to the dulcet voices of the men who work at the tattoo parlor next door and often smoke weed/argue/TRY TO TALK TO ME THROUGH MY WINDOW.
  5. Go to a coffee shop to “write” (AKA buy expensive pastries).
  6. Leave coffee shop because the internet isn't working (Microsoft Word? Huh?).
  7. Get struck by an intense craving for licorice.
  8. Weigh pros and cons of traveling 40 minutes round trip to get my favorite brand of licorice from Trader Joe's.
  9. Sit on my rug in pitch black darkness and scream, “How do I become a writer?”
  10. Writhe on the floor.
  11. Remember horrifying centipede creature
  12. Turn on a light.
  13. Turn on my computer.
  14. Squelch feelings of inadequacy. 
  15. Start writing.
  16. Ice cream break.


  1. you are one scotch/masturbation break short of being Fitzgerald...

  2. the best and most apocalyptic compliment ever paid.

  3. ...and this is why we're friends. :)
    Holy shit remember that night we had some drugstore amenities and got lost in Chicago and had be rescued by your boyfriend (who we had ditched?) Shh. Amazing.


You are truly great.