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Friday, September 16, 2011

We Interrupt Our Regularly Scheduled Programming to Bring You This Small Freakout

Everybody, it’s time to freak out. Ready, set, AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELP HELP HELP WHY ME NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW WHAT IS THAT THING ON THE SIDEWALK?!?!?!?

Why are we freaking, you ask? Because September is halfway over! Next it’s October! Then it’s winter, known in some cultures as “the annual destruction of my will to live,” and then it’s summer and before you know it we’re all dead and the earth is being sucked into the sun.

One more time: AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FREAK OUT LE FREAK C’EST CHIC FREAK OUT!!!!!! PSYCHO KILLER, QU'EST-CE QUE C'EST! PARIS JE T'AIME! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bitches are going back to school right and left (like all my siblings—those hos) and meanwhile you and I are frozen in time, one hand clenching our very expensive pink Anthropologie wine glasses that we got on sale for like $2 because our friend works there, the other hand holding a pen over a sheet of paper and listening to the only sound in the house: the slow drip, drip of the ink of the pen onto the white sheet of paper and the dripping sounds like our heart’s own blood leaking onto the floor AND YET WE CANNOT MOVE.

My friends, gather round. YOU MUST CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I have decided that we are all adopting the following life goals. If you think they sound freakishly similar to the life goals I hold for myself, you’re crazy.

  1. Read Living to Tell the Tale.
  2. Get better at writing through whatever means possible. If you see a serious crime take place in the near future, I didn't do it.
  3. Moisturize. Cold winds are coming from the north. The horses are restless.

(If you’ve been wondering why I haven’t been writing much lately, you are not alone. The folder on my computer entitled “STORIES” is wondering the same damn thing. If you must know, I've been busy trying to find fall boots.)

2 comments:

  1. You have spurred me on to WRITE. Tonight, yes! Cold winds are already blowing through the window onto the back of my neck. Death comes quick, like dagger.

    ReplyDelete
  2. WRITE ON, WRITE ON, FAIR SOLDIER!

    ReplyDelete

You are truly great.