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Saturday, January 28, 2012

Timecrunch

Hi friends! I'm here to talk about the wonders of timecrunch. If you only have 40 minutes to work on your story that you have to submit to writing group TODAY, you will be super productive and delete unnecessary adjectives like you're on FIRE. Timecrunch will make you feel caffeinated even though you haven't had any coffee. I love celery (and not because you burn calories while eating it, and if you supposed that, you're totally sexist). Remember that scene in Star Wars where they almost get crunched by the trash compactor? That scene terrified me. I have an intense fear of tight spaces. Sometimes I think: which am I most afraid of? Tight spaces, heights, or the ocean? Possibly the ocean because it is simultaneously a tight space (when you're on the bottom with all those tons of water crushing down on you) and a height (it's like a gazillion feet deep). My fear of oceans is deep-seated but one possible explanation (besides the fact that oceans are FREAKIN TERRIFYING BABY) is that once I read a Choose Your Own Adventure book where "I" was deep-sea diving and I came up for air too fast and got the dreaded "Bends" and nitrogen bubbles formed in my brain and I died. (That sentence has not been fact-checked.) However, when experiencing timecrunch, you may start laughing maniacally at your own jokes. And your texts will be fun to type but not necessarily fun to read.

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You are truly great.