|DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!|
No, no, no, no, no!
Girls who read are crazy! Girls who write are even worse. For example, about ten minutes ago, my friend (a female writer) just yelled the following non sequitur:
“DEATH IS ALWAYS A JOKE TO A WRITER!”
A few minutes later we had the following conversation:
Me: “He makes perfume out of...”
Men at coffee shops, why do you think that we are your soulmates? Don't be distracted by how hot it is when a girl reads something cool. Listen to our words. Read our lips. We are talking about death and destruction! We are making jokes about fascism! We are creepers. Also: eff off, we don't want to get hit on, we're trying to get some work done here. YES THIS BOOK IS GOOD. THAT'S WHY I'M READING IT. NO I DO NOT KNOW HOW IT ENDS.
In my experience, South American male writers tend to attract the most men. 2666 is like male catnip. Don't read Marquez on public transportation or you will be mobbed with offers of marriage, and let me tell you, even the most gorgeous Tiffany's diamond hurts when a rabid, literature-starved businessman throws it directly at your eyeball. I can't even imagine how much girls who read David Foster Wallace get hit on. I can smell Old Spice, just thinking about it.